![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
notalwaysworking_feedRead They Totally Mismanaged That, Part 3
Manager: "You're fired."
Me: "Huh?"
Manager: "Don't act surprised. Like you expect zero repercussions from being a no-show for a full week."
Me: "I was on my approved vacation!"
notalwaysworking_feedRead A Dash Of Salt, A Heap Of Nerve
Passenger: "You know, ordering alcohol for delivery is a sign of alcoholism."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Passenger: "You really need to be in AA or something instead of buying alcohol and having it delivered to your door."
notalwaysright_feedRead A Dash Of Salt, A Heap Of Nerve
Passenger: "You know, ordering alcohol for delivery is a sign of alcoholism."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Passenger: "You really need to be in AA or something instead of buying alcohol and having it delivered to your door."
notalwaysright_feedRead One Door Closes… And That’s It, Part 2
Customer: "Let me through!"
Coworker: "We close at 9 PM, ma'am."
Customer: "If the door isn't locked yet, that means I can come in to shop!"
Coworker: "The only reason it's not locked is that I'm talking to you, ma'am. Good night."
notalwaysworking_feedRead Mop It Like It’s Hot
Possessing an adequately functioning brain, I knew not to mop with a tainted mop and proceeded directly to the Sergeant to get a fresh mop and restock the paper towels, which also appeared slightly damp.
Me: "Hey Sarge—"
Sarge: "I thought I told you to sweep and mop!"
Read Mop It Like It’s Hot
notalwaysright_feedRead Mop It Like It’s Hot
Possessing an adequately functioning brain, I knew not to mop with a tainted mop and proceeded directly to the Sergeant to get a fresh mop and restock the paper towels, which also appeared slightly damp.
Me: "Hey Sarge—"
Sarge: "I thought I told you to sweep and mop!"
Read Mop It Like It’s Hot
notalwaysright_feedRead On The Rocky Road To Womanhood
Customer: "This… this is all awful!"
Me: "Haha, it's not great."
Customer: "All women deal with this?"
Me: "Every person on this planet with a working set of ovaries deals with this."
notalwaysright_feedRead Waiting A Long Time On Lady Luck
Owner: "So I need you to operate a second register for normal groceries all morning."
Me: "Sure thing, but… uh, why? What's wrong with the main register?"
Owner: "Nothing, but today is the day when those Social Security checks come in."
notalwaysright_feedRead Will Need To Lie Down After This…
User: "The work email isn't working!"
Me: "When you say not working, is it—"
User: "—it's not working! I can't load it! Fix it! I need to work right now!"
notalwaysright_feedRead Baby’s First Health Code Violation
Me: "Ma'am, we do have baby changing facilities on the premises!"
Mother: "This is quicker."
Me: "No, ma'am, I insist. You need to use those facilities for changing diapers. The smell and image are very unpleasant to our other diners."
notalwaysright_feedRead This Conversation Is Going South, Part 2
Me: "Wow, did you know that from Detroit, you'd need to drive SOUTH to get into Canada?"
Brother: *Snort laughs.* "Dumb-a**."
Me: "What? Why?"
Brother: "Canada is north of the US, dumb-a**."
notalwaysrelated_feedRead This Conversation Is Going South, Part 2
Me: "Wow, did you know that from Detroit, you'd need to drive SOUTH to get into Canada?"
Brother: *Snort laughs.* "Dumb-a**."
Me: "What? Why?"
Brother: "Canada is north of the US, dumb-a**."
cakewrecks_feedOne of the hottest new trends in weddings today is the cherry blossom wedding cake:
This elegant design not only looks beautiful, but is a cinch to make, too! In fact, here are a few tips to ensure your own cherry blossom cake looks as gorgeous as this.
First, always make sure your icing is niiiice and smooth.
It helps if you lick your fingers first, so they slide smoothly over the icing.
Next, mold or pipe your branches to gracefully scale the tiers of your cake in a natural, realistic fashion.
I know it's hard to believe but, yes, that's really just icing.
Remember, the flowers are the most important part!
[Crickets chirping]
It's usually best to leave off a wedding topper for this style, but if you do choose to have one, make sure it's simple, understated, and elegant.
Note the baker's restraint. Not a single balloon animal!
And finally, when all else fails, remember:
You can always jam a stick in it and charge $200.
(Yes, this was someone's actual wedding cake.)
(And they paid for it.)
(With money.)
Leanne W., Danielle L., Moxie, Holly J., and Robert V. did you know you can make a forty dollar cake look like a 500 dollar cake with just some cookies and sprinkles? Just imagine what you could charge if you jammed a stick in it!
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
notalwaysright_feedRead Grill Seekers
A group of my closest friends and I decided to have a braai (South African barbecue) shortly after high school graduation. The gas-powered grill we were using wasn’t cleaned and had a bunch of fat stuck to it. I wanted to clean it, but was assured it would "burn off."
It did burn.
Read Grill Seekers
notalwaysright_feedRead Footing The Wrong Question
Customer: "How many yards in a foot?"
Me: "Uh… a third?"
Customer: "Huh?"
notalwayslearning_feed
I'm a middle school teacher. One day during class, a kid removes his shoe and dumps a punch of pebbles right on the carpet.
Me: "Why didn't you do that over the trash can?"
notalwaysright_feed
I'm a middle school teacher. One day during class, a kid removes his shoe and dumps a punch of pebbles right on the carpet.
Me: "Why didn't you do that over the trash can?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momijizukamori
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}